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I’m Not Ready For Getting Older

Posted by Zura on January 17, 2011

I’ve been a 21 years old girl and will be reached as 22 for this November. As deep as I can remember, I’m not doing much things in my life. Can’t hit the door where I’m in and be free to fly as far as I can go like a bird. It’s like you can go only for 2 rungs out of 10. There are many things I wish to have and reach in my whole life. Don’t get me wrong, though. It does not mean that I’m not satisfied with who I am now or maybe what I already have. I just can’t face the future me with no result, or just same as now.

I’m not ready for getting older, even when I have bunch of dreams to realize. I fear that I cannot be a better person. I am afraid I cannot make my parents happy in their old times. I am afraid that I cannot blah blah blah… Everything! Even to realize that I’m 21 now makes me afraid. Because every more seconds I’m blessed to live, I am afraid I cannot use it well. Oopz, I write too much of I am afraid things.😆 It’s just, too many things concern me because I’m not ready to be an adult. Because I don’t want to regret anything.

I have a dream that I would make a happy and blessed family one day with my husband, my children, my grand children. And with everything I have I would do everything to make my family happy, without doing anything rush and will affect bad things to my own family. You know what I mean. I want that someday I have money and Allah will show me the way to heal my mother’s eyes somehow. I really hope that within couple months my mother’s right thigh will get better so she can walk and run again as she wants… I have a dream that one day I could get her a beautiful and comfortable house to live in my parent’s old days without worrying rent or electricity bills. I have a dream to be a very good wife to my husband to serve and comfort him as long as my life. I want to be a good mother for her children to love them and bring everything they needs all for good reasons. I wish to live in the world where I can be a very good and kind person to everyone else, as they are to me. I wanna live in a peace world… And I’m sure you are too. Back to all afraid things again, I am afraid if somehow I will not see one of those in my future. I am afraid to be betrayed and be hatred.

You must say, if you are afraid to get older, simply just don’t live. Or maybe, if you are afraid now, how can you achieve those in your future if you just afraid of everything now? Yeah, the second is right. I have to plan the best for the future Me. But for now I want to have some peace of mind where I can be a child again and live in my own world and imagination without getting caught that I was 21 years old now… Wish that I will see this post in my 41 if Allah gives that longevity to me. Ummm, I really curious for what WILL I be?

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