My Life = My Adventure

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Love him, Love him not!

Posted by Zura on March 10, 2008

Yeah, welcome to my pity share again, guyz!!😛

 Frankly, I really don’t know what to write today, but I’ll try to explain it more specific.

Love him, love him not

Yeah, we went to the theatre on saturday, watching for “40 Hari Bangkitnya Pocong“. Sight, what a terrible bad movie I’ve ever seen.😮 Indonesian! Can’t they make a good horror movie even once!!! Actually, I prefer “10.000 BC“, somewhat good movie. I’ve watched the trailer and I can make sure that it was a good movie. On Friday, I watched “Ayat-ayat Cinta” with Oky, Rossy, and Rossy’s friend, K’ Ipit. That’s really an awesome love story. (HEY, DO YOU WANNA READ THE NOVEL? OF COURSE I’LL GIVE IT TO YOU, PLEASE CLICK HERE! (Oopz, in Bahasa only,😉 ) I almost cry…

However, I haven’t enough money to buy the ticket, so my boyfriend treats me. We’re 6. Me, Oky (My brother), My Boyfriend, K’ Iwid, Yona, and Bang Rian. After watching movie, we’re going for dinner at a seafood cafe. Fantastic! We’re all enjoy the journey, except the film, of course.🙂

Yet tomorrow, I intentionally rethink about what exactly I feel to my boyfriend. Honest, it seems like I’ve got a big burden and mistake when I tell that I love him. It’s really hard to call it “honey”. NO! It’s impossible. Sometimes I really wanna called him with that way, but sometimes, I really fear and…. Yeah, I don’t want to called him “honey”. I dunno…

After making an overview, all I found… is for days gone, I only try to love him, not love him. yeah, maybe this feeling is supposed to be a “LIKE”, no more. It’s just a passionate to have him. But when I’ve got him, the feel’s gone to anywhere. I even try and keep trying, but the result is “0”. A little bit love, but it’s pretty just like, I feel the same love when I compare my love to my friends…

We’ve ever talked about a ‘Break’, but seems the conclusion “break” is needless. I concern if I decide to break, I really affraid that the feeling’s gone all the way. I don’t wanna hurt him, I don’t wanna break his dreams. I really don’t wanna break his heart, don’t wanna see him down!! But what should I do?! This matter’s killing me. Besides, far away from the bottom of my heart, I’m affraid to lose him. However, the exact thing I must do is just, wait and see, how long I could survive with this.😦

I owe him very much, his sincere, his attention, his love, his manner to me, the way he treats me, somehow I can’t forget all he’s done to me…. And I really concern I can’t give my love to him. But I don’t know, till now, no one could fill the empty space of my heart, nor him. I ever think that I love Bang Rian, but it’s really an impossible fact. I couldn’t love him, beside, he’s give his love to someone… And it can never supposed to be mine. Yeah, I can just deem him as my brother, old brother. Then Bang Ashral? I’ve try to put him as my love, but it seems the only exact position for him, is just, to be my best friend… Because he always there when I meet a trouble, he really care of me. He pays full of his attention just to think of me and give his sincere to me. His desire to have me as his wife is so high. But I couldn’t promise him any single word, nor any single action. But, I think he’s just admirer me, and he turn it up to be love.

But the question is? How could I tell him what happened really is! How long I could pretend to love him? It’s really a dare dilemma. One side, I don’t love him. The other side, I really don’t wanna lose him. I care to him, I care to his dream, I care to his feeling. But sometimes I think this is just a nightmare, also a good dreams.🙂😳

Umm, so far, the above statement is enough to describe what I feel. But I don’t know what’s coming next! Everything’s could happen, isn’t?

God Bless! Thank You.

 Cheers…🙂

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