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Secret Admirer???

Posted by Zura on January 15, 2008

My Secret Admirer, My Love!

Yes!!! at last…😛

Now, i’ve kept my promise to u, diary.  I’ve done already write about “The Guy Next Door” series… And we’ve knew the result, I can’t love one of “F4 tak jelazz” personnel..😀

Maybe on those story, I seldom (never, exactly, except on “The Guy Next Door – 10”) told u about Bang Ashral. Coz I’m focused sharing about F4 tak jelazz.. In the next share, I’ll talk about him…😛

Now, I really thanks God who has gave me all the answer. So, there are so much missunderstanding haunting me, how pity I am… Now, I’m aware, if something run without communication, Missunderstanding will be there for destroy all. I, netty, and Yona, have been somewhat like messangers who try to make Bang Rian to be K’ Iwids. But we dunno what’s the result, now, we must wait for K’ Iwid’s decision whether to accept Bang Rian to be her boyfriend or not…. OH!! I just can pray, that they could a harmony couple… I love them both, and I’m in both of their side, and ready to help them if they’ve got trouble on something. And I love netty and Yona too… they’re all really good friends for me.

Then at last… I could be F4 tak jelazz’s friend, which before I think it’s impossible… I enjoy to be their friend, but of course, we’re not too close, o yeah… I forgot, Bang Adi’s been my friend too. Conclusion, all of members of “Remaja Mesjid” have been my friends.. I’m so happy, now I’m not alone again… (I hope they’re happy too, to be my friend) And I have new game, volleyball..😀

On past moment, I’ve refuse and make Bang Riki’s dissapointed, coz I can’t accept him. I really sorry, but how could I say… I don’t love him for sure. And Bang Adi, he’s try to convince and declare that he like me too, and he said that I’m perfect. Oh God! Nobody’s perfect… I really can’t accept that statement. You see, I have reject so many guys…. K’ hendra, genta, bowo, upz… who else? I don’t remember and I can’t absence them one by one…😀 but they never ever have braveness to tell me how they feel to me, they just show it with their action. Ugh! Swear, it’s really inconvenience me. Know why? simply because I have lot of principes that must I keep. And I just wanna free, clean, and pure.. like a diamond,,, I don’t wanna hold any relationship with a guy right now.. yeah, I just wanna be God’s possession.

But do you know something? Mas Cholis told me that, lot of guys have been my secret admirer… Is it true? Oh God… that’s really trouble. First, he told that Ustad Surya like me too (hmm, I think I know something, that mas cholis has that feeling too..). But I dunno why they like me… I feel nothing special inside me, I, somewhat like another ordinary girl… then I put it supposed to be this, they’re just kidding. Yeah, I just can realize it to be just a joke, not more. Or at least, they’re not serious or just admire on me.  And few days ago, mas cholis told me that I’ve got new secret admirer again… What?? You see, for me it’s just a game of like.. If it has the continue, that’s really killing me, I really sick of this life… You know, I just can think that it’s all just a “bulshit”.

Then I tried to make mas cholis tell me who’s that? Hey, of course I’m curious.. I’m a human, arent I? Mas cholis told me that this guy’s like me, at first he saw me… O yeah?! I can’t believe that… I’ve  been fooled all the time, I really don’t wanna easy to believe a person’s word. I’ve been cheated many times.😦

Then he convince that this guy’s really like me (at first we met), but he don’t wanna tell me how he feel, he’s affraid I’ll shy or get angry with him. (Oh really??) I still unbelieve it, I can’t.😛

Hey, I really curious, is it supposed to Bang Ashral??? yawn… Impossible! But I can’t lie to myself, that I like him… Then Mas Cholis ask me to mention names of guy on whole members of “Remaja Mesjid” that I’ve been a friend of them. Yeah of course, who else… Ustad Surya, Mas Cholis, F4 tak jelazz, Bang Ashral, willy, and others… And he assign me to choose one of them… Hey… If I have to choose one of them, it’s so easy.. Choose and thought’re free, arent they? Then I said that I like Bang Ashral. So Mas Cholis quickly said, that’s it!! I just can say “?????”. What’s wrong? then at last, he told me that “somebody is Bang Ashral”…  Wew, of course I can’t hold myself to laughing… mas cholis’s really a good joker. Then he’s angry to me, he said that I must trust him, it’s not a bulshit, he convinced me that it’s true… yeah, forcely, I must say “Okay, I believe it..”😀

You see diary, I’d love to send joke message to my friends… And I seldom send it to Bang Ashral. But, now I can put his name to my list if I have another jokes.😉 As you know at “The Guy Next Door – 10”, I’ve told u that he realize one of my message’s serious.

Oh God!!! This is really killing me!!!! Okay, I’ll try to share it well…😛

Actually I have an appointment with Bang Adi and Bang Rian, to play chess. So, we held that last night. Hmm, so long not to play it, my brain’s not as sharp as past. But I still won it.😉 Wait, when I was playing it with Bang Adi, Bang Ashral send me a sms. Then I offered him to join us.. So be it, he’s coming, after Ustad Surya joined us…😉 Yes, I have defeated Bang Adi.. Now, it’s Bang Rian turn… Wew, he’s good too in playing chess.. He’s defeated me.. Hahhaaa😀, Actually not yet, but I forced Bang Ashral to play it. You see, I guess he know how to play it, but he said that he can’t.. Oh God!!! I’ve been fooled again and over again… And now Bang Rian vs Bang Ashral, huhuuu…. Bang Ashral won!!! But, I’m really sad, why did he lie to me?? I think it’s not an important matter so he must lie… But, yeah… just let it go. Doesn’t matter.😦

And now hendri (hendri?? Hmm,, I don’t remember his name.. :P) vs Bang Ashral… But in the middle of their game, Bang Ashral and me were talking. Hahaa, when it getting serious, Bang Ashral decided to stop the game… Wew! I have no word of that… And we’re getting serious slowly, then I asked him, what he’s gonna talk to me?? So be it, he told me that he love me… WHAT!!! I can’t believe that… I just can laugh, and I don’t wanna turn it to be serious. But I look into his eyes, I think he’s honest right now, impossible he’s kidding. He said, he might not as rich as mas cholis, he might not as fun as Ustad Surya, and he might not as kind as Bang Riki.. But he’s gotta give his best to make me happy. Wew!

Then he ask, how about my feeling? And I can’t lie to him (and I think I never lie unless I forced).. Yes, I like him. But I’m not ready yet. I have too much problems and lackness. I must keep my principes… yeah, he’s tried to convince me, that we must not reliable to all of our words… Yeah, the summary, he wanted me to his girlfriend… Gagz!! Guyz, it’s my first time!!!

I don’t wanna turn it to be so serious, so I ask him to sing a song. I heard that, (monday night, we gathered at netty’s house, but because it’s rain, I decided to go back home), that night Bang Ashral’s singing with guitar. And netty said that he’s voice was sweet. Hmm, I really curious. So I beg him to sing a song, yeah, eventhough without guitar. Hahahaaa, you see, he really done it, he sang a song last night… But it seems, he’s shame, he’s not focus on singing it. But, I’m glad… Then I told him, I need time… I’ll tell him the answer on thursday, at Mosque (We must gather on Mosque every friday night, whether to hold a meeting or “Wirid”)…

3 days…. At night, I rethink it… 3 days, it’s a short time, baby.. I can’t decide this serious thing for just 3 days!! I need  at least, 1 month… Oh God!! That’s really trouble. What if I can’t give the answer? What if give him the wrong answer?? Even I dunno whether I love him or not. I just like him… Hmm, it’s his duty to convince me that he really loves me. Oh God!!  I really appreciate him, I care to him, and I like him… But must it supposed to be love??? I dunno…. May God give me the answer, accept him or not.😀

Wuuh, I really confused… Out there, my friends support me. They’re really agree if Bang Ashral could be my boyfriend. Oh God!!! Please help me.. I can’t make any decision without you…. Please give an escape!!!😉

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