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♥ The Guy Next Door – 9 ♥

Posted by Zura on January 11, 2008


You see diary, it’s getting worse, something bad fighting on my heart!! Oh My God! Meanwhile, before I always praying that my problems will get better, but I guess it’s going to hurt me.

Here is the story…😉

From the bottom of my broken heart

So far, now I’m knowing that Bang Adi and Bang Gayo’z have feeling to me too, I dunno whether it’s true or not, but they’ve realize that they really like me. Even Bang Adi said that, I am the perfect one on my boisterous gang.😀 (another fucking bullshit!!)

Sight, hahahaa… I dunno what kind of game they’re playing on. But I just wanna guess that, all words they said is true.

Uuuhhh, Volleyball field has been made by ‘Pengurus Remaja Mesjid’. They’ve got the idea to clean up the field so we can play volleyball again. N it’s work. They usually play volleybay at afternoon. And me, I can’t play it, U see, I just great on badminton, n I never ever play volleyball before. So that’s it, I decided to learn. And so far, it’s my second day.

Hahaa, diary. Do you know something?? Something trouble has happened to me, I dunno what to call it. It seems I’m falling in love again and over again… Yesterday, I realize that I love Bang Rian. But now, after I know someone, his name was Ashral, he’s cute too. I know Bang Ashral first from Mosque, and on that moment, I haven’t any feeling to him, just admire that he’s sweet guy. That’s all.

But on the next occasion, the feeling is getting worse, I can’t control my eyes to stop looking at him.😀 How pitty?! And yesterday, I plaid volleyball with all of them. And you see, Bang Ashral’s skidded. Oh My, I’m worry to him. But first, I see that he’s okay. And it didn’t take long time, I’m quite, I’m tired, and feel inconvenience to disturb their game, coz I can’t play it well..😛 And Netty’s too.

And we sit down on the border line. But I’m thirsty, so I buy some waters to me and Netty. And few minutes, Ustad Surya’s quite too. Then he sit down beside us. Hahhaaa, and didn’t take longer time, Bang Ashral’s quite too. Then sit down beside Ustad Surya. Then I ask about his foot’s condition, he tell me that he’s okay. I didn’t believe, so I try to persue him to show his injury. Wew, that’s trouble, it’s on serious condition. Oh God!!! I feel sad to look it for longer, then I offer him to take my medicine… But he refuse it, then Ustad Surya said, if I really wanna help him, just bring it, don’t wait until he said yess. Oh, that’s it. Of course he’s refuse it, then I go home to bring ‘betadine’ (kind of medicine for injury). Hahhaaa, u know guyz!!! Then he said that, I am an angel. Wuakaka, but I try to don’t care about it.

Few minutes, we’ve gotta move to another place where our friends’re stand. But I must take a bath, beside it’s gonna be sunset. So I go back home.

At night, we’re gather on Mosque to hold a ‘wirid’. After it we must decor our mosque, coz tomorrow we’re gona celebrate 1 Muharram 1429 H. Firstly, I’ve decided to join Bang Rian, Bang Didi, and Bang Riki, and Yona followed me. Then a few minutes later, Bang Ashral joined us too. He’s sitting beside me, then ask me few question. I dunno what to do, beside my friends always whimpering me, they accuse me that I love Bang Ashral, (but it’s true already, I pretend that all I have done for him is so so, I’ll do the same thing for my friends too if they’ve got an injury…) ;P

First, I enjoy sitting beside him… But after K’ Iwid join our discussion, that she and Bang Ashral were in the same collage, I gotta go… I decide to let them talking as they want, then I join Mas Cholis to prepare another preparation. You see, I feel a bit jealous to them. They seems getting close. But, that’s okay. Beside, I am nothing to them. If I feel, yeah, call it like or love as you want, it’s not going to work…. Oh God!! Please forgive me to love him… At night, I can’t sleep. I’m awake at midnight, then I can’t close my eyes, I thinking of him always, he’s face always haunting me…. I dunno.. It’s so different, I dunno. I never feel like this before, but Thanks God! at last, I can close my eyes after early morning… Then asleep till 8 a.m , huahaaaa, I’m late!!! I must hurry!!!

So, the conclusion is, the situation is getting more complicated than before. But, I can’t drag myself on for just thinking of someone that I dunno whether he’ s thinking of me too. I don’t wanna take a risk to love someone, but if he’s feeling the same way to me too, God, I promise, I’ll keep my love only for him till I die… Except, he’s not my soulmate.😀

You see, on that night, Bang Riki’s start to show that he loves over and over again, and I really feel irk, that’s really distrub me. You see, I can’t love him for many reasons. But this morning I’ve told him by sms that we just could be friend, that’s all. And till now, I haven’t get reply yet. Or maybe he’s angry with me… Oh God! Perhaps he understand… And Perhaps he gets the better one someday…🙂

Hey, you know something, I think that all my feeling to Bang Rian is just bulshit, maybe I just admirer him, no more. Yeah, I just can pray that, someday he’s gonna get what he wants… As I know that he’s really love K’ Iwid. But I really worry to him, that his feeling never get any feedback. But, he must try real hard if he really wants her.😉

And now, I’m still alone…alone… n alone…. All question I have in my mind now is just, when will I get my love??? I really need someone to accompany me, someone that I love, someone that will help me and be with me when I need him, and always loves me till the end… I know that it’ s just a dream…. But, Should I always cry and pray all the time to realize it to be true?? Sounds impossible.. But, Bang Rian’s succeed to remind me, that God’s will never give it vainly. Hope so, I just can hope by now… That my pathetic confusion to wait for someone that I love will not be worthless. Amen

How could I carry on?? Should it’s hurt to love him? Should I feel like I do??? Shall his face will hunting me on the night??? Should I drop my tears for him? If so, I will do it, for my love…. I’ll sacrifice myself to love him, without knowing or care he loves me or not!

Oh, I feel it’s too over excess. If he’s not love, why I must survive for just worthless thing, how fool I am to sacrifice myself, I’d better search for a new one. AM I?

Alright!!! that’s enough… Let’s God manage it all. I just can wait and see what happen next. But if my age’s short, I just wonder that, someday when I die, I could be an Angel… A Pure Angel… But it seems too good to be true.😛 Meanwhile, I have so much sins, and I dunno whether some of them will get forgiveness.. Oh God!! Pliz, I beg you, Pliz forgive all my sins, and pliz accept all of my kind and pliz…. When I die, pliz accept me to stand beside you, with all of your protection. Amen.

Okay diary… Enough for my report today. 🙂

Oppzzz, wait… I’ve a copy of a poetry. It’s really suit me. Here it is, enjoy!😀

“Waiting for Love”

As I sit here looking into the sky,

I think of past memories, I begin to cry.

I wonder if love is always this way,

Or will it take sadness first, before Love will stay…

Out of my Heart my love does flow,

with so many feelings and all that know…

If it takes sadness before Love will stay,

I guess I’ll have to wait for another day.


2 Responses to “♥ The Guy Next Door – 9 ♥”

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