Diary-1 (on an empty room with a bored situation)
Posted by Zura on November 13, 2007
I do concern with the journey of my life. Concern to everything which I done or will do. It’s so easy for just say that we must getting better day by day, or on Islam its called istiqamah. Maybe nowadays I’m getting worse, my thought’s blank and don’t know what to do to improve my life in every aspects. I have no aim or purpose right now; at least don’t know what to do. More and more I live; I’m getting more distant to Allah. I don’t what make me like this. It cannot be called revenge or something like that, even though it’s hard for me what I want on this life. I can’t reach what I dream even I’ve tried.
But I do believe and still love Allah, forever on my life. I believe that someday I’m gonna meet Allah even I don’t know and no one know when. The end of the world is getting closed, I’m sure that everybody knows that. But why there is no improvisation, except I don’t know what’s going on out there. But so far I know world is just getting worse, so many sign show us that the end of the world so closed. It’s just such as games of time.
In my teenagers, I really wanna be like other girls who got what they want. Guys, friends, money, happiness, enjoy, and everything about teenagers. But what happened with me? I have so unlimited freedom, yeah, even my momma never aware about that. She would never know that I can take care of my self, I will never influenced by just bad condition o teenagers like another do. NEVER! All I wanna get is just huge number of friendship everywhere; make my self growth suit to modernization. I don’t wanna left behind whether in social intercourse, technology, and skill. And I know I really wanted a boyfriend, a perfect one as perfect as me even though nobody’s perfect.
Many things scared me, but I don’t really care about my future. Because I do believe Allah has arranged and managed about future, I just follow it to where I belong to. But it doesn’t mean I will never do something to get it better. Just wanna make me relax whatever will be appear, happiness, sadness. You see, I DON’T CARE!Even I know that MUST BE… but it’s not what you thinking of. Trust me!
It’s hard to find my self on this huge guilty. It’s like I live in empty atmosphere which nobody care to another else. I have no place to share, even I do believe in friendship. But what? Evidently I have no more truly friend, I just get a friend. Not truly friend, they will never understand me and what I want. I wanna get friendship with them because I have no friends here. I’m alone, with nobody and nothing care, except THE ONE and THE ONLY, ALLAH SWT.
There are so much human hate me out there, whether I aware or not. I don’t know what to face them, you see, I wanna suicide. Sometimes I do really wanna do revenge, but I know it’s all just will wasting my time. Besides I will add my sins, I’m scared no more reward for me and nothing can be I proud of myself if I do so. So, I just try to let it go. Let Allah judge them, I don’t want to make myself dirty for just because do revenge. Never!